Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the
parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall
occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
Woman goes to a gym and says to the instructor "I want a part in a play - I'm a pretty good dancer, but they do the can-can - I need to be able to do the splits real fast - how many lessons to teach me how to do the splits?"
"Well," says the instructor "that really depends on how flexible you are at the moment"
"I can't do tuesday mornings or thursday afternoons ..."
Like the Grocery cart grill. Ingenuity can accomplish much.
A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and asked his father if
they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades
up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, get your hair cut, and we'll
talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the
offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks, his father said, "Son, I've been real proud.
You
brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your
Bible, but I'm real disappointed you didn't get your hair
cut."
The young man paused a moment and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been
thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson
had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and
there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair.
To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked
everywhere they went?"
It is probably owned by a little old lady that only drives it to church on Sundays.
I was thinking it might be handy to drive thru the timber during deer season.
That vehicle was never designed with the thought of going off road. It's for more domestic purposes, like going out for a loaf of bread...in Beirut!
Well since it's my b-day I'm officially hijacking this forum. I will freeze all non complient members and reward all who bow down and inspect the lint (I think it;s lint) between my toes...Wait! I just remembered I don't have toes. LOL Happy Holloween everyone!
Let me be the first to bow to our new Forum Overlord Welan. May the lint between his flippers overflow endlessly. (Happy BD Welan).
When sobriety hits me I may regret this. Would not be the first time.
