What to post when you run out of questions or ideas.

It must be as secure as the Grate Wall of China. Nothing gets through the grate.

+--------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Vista Post-SP2 Is the Safest OS On the Planet                      |
|   from the color-me-skeptical dept.                                |
|   posted by CmdrTaco on Tuesday April 14, @17:18 (Microsoft)       |
|   http://it.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/04/14/2010200           |
+--------------------------------------------------------------------+

pkluss noted Kevin Turner, COO of Microsoft making the proclamation that
"Vista today, post-Service Pack 2, which is now in the marketplace, is
the [0]safest, most reliable OS we've ever built. It's also the most
secure OS on the planet, including Linux and open source and Apple
Leopard. It's the safest and most secure OS on the planet today."

Discuss this story at:
http://it.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=09/04/14/2010200

Links:
0. http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/exec/turner/2009/04-06MMCIOSummit.mspx

LMAO! vista? secure?

Papa and Momma Emoticon take the kids to see the Forum.

Hi Method
That's a funny looking PC - but I want to know why you fix it so high up on the wall ?

I got 3 out of ten: Daffy Jump  on the first go round. Now that is really scraping the bottom of the Barrel for something to do.

SuSE Computer Repair Instructions in the original German:

Achtung!!! Das Machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken, dumbkopf!!!

Das Machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren musten keepen das cotten-pickenen hands in das pockets - relaxen und watchen das blinkenlights.

not G0NZ0 's  fault this time.....

I think that is just the results of the latest Auto and Mortgage Industry Bail-outs. Or perhaps Detroits answer to the mobile home.

I wondered where I parked my car last night.

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.

This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is, sadly, controlling your life. Get help immediately.

Funny Linux command-lines with real output…

% cat “food in cans”
cat: can’t open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.
% “How would you rate Quayle’s incompetence?
Unmatched “.

% Unmatched “.
Unmatched “.

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go?^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many (’s.

% make love
Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink matter
matter: cannot create

Some of you may have seen this before, but it's still funny.
and thank you for flying Penguin Air.

sudo(1)

If the insults flag is set in /etc/sudoers, sudo(1) will return one of the following errors when an invalid password is entered:

• Just what do you think you're doing Dave?


• It can only be attributed to human error.


• That's something I cannot allow to happen.


• My mind is going. I can feel it.


• Sorry about this, I know it's a bit silly.


• Take a stress pill and think things over.


• This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.


• I feel much better now.


• Wrong! You cheating scum!


• No soap, honkie-lips.


• Where did you learn to type?


• Are you on drugs?


• My pet ferret can type better than you!


• You type like i drive.


• Do you think like you type?


• Your mind just hasn't been the same since the electro-shock, has it?


• Maybe if you used more than just two fingers...


• BOB says: You seem to have forgotten your passwd, enter another!


• stty: unknown mode: doofus


• I can't hear you -- I'm using the scrambler.


• The more you drive -- the dumber you get.


• Listen, burrito brains, I don't have time to listen to this trash.


• I've seen penguins that can type better than that.


• Have you considered trying to match wits with a rutabaga?


• You speak an infinite deal of nothing


• You silly, twisted boy you.


• He has fallen in the water!


• We'll all be murdered in our beds!


• You can't come in. Our tiger has got flu


• I don't wish to know that.


• What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what?


• You can't get the wood, you know.


• You'll starve!


• ... and it used to be so popular...


• Pauses for audience applause, not a sausage


• Hold it up to the light --- not a brain in sight!


• Have a gorilla...


• There must be cure for it!


• There's a lot of it about, you know.


• You do that again and see what happens...


• Ying Tong Iddle I Po


• Harm can come to a young lad like that!


• And with that remarks folks, the case of the Crown vs yourself was proven.


• Speak English you fool --- there are no subtitles in this scene.


• You gotta go owwwww!


• I have been called worse.


• It's only your word against mine.


• I think ... err ... I think ... I think I'll go home

NAME

party - set OS responses mode

SYNOPSIS

party ON|OFF|WHEREIS [ - ] dnv

DESCRIPTION

Operating systems being what they are, the admin people can easily grow tired of command responses that resemble dyslexic eugene-speak filtered through Kernighan and Ritchie's collective back-brains. To alleviate this, we have included a slightly more 'casual' mode, in which the responses to all commands are first filtered through a customising routine (DUDE), which makes them sound a little more friendly while retaining their full information content (usually). The rooted(c) system prompt is changed to 'What now, dude?' and output from each command is terminated by 'No problem, dude.'

OPTIONS

-v Verbose mode (ALL commands have a 'verbose' mode). When this option is present, all filtered responses are preceeded by a message: 'This response has been parsed by the DUDE filter and is not intended to be some sort of sleazy come-on.'
-d Don't restart all processes after recompiling the /uselss/libs/eugene file (see below). This alows any important tasks to complete beforehand.
-n Notify all users that they are about to be force-logged out and force-logged in again.
ON Activates the DUDE filter.
OFF De-activates the DUDE filter.
WHEREIS Doesn't do anything, but we couldn't resist it.

EXAMPLES

%-) party on
What now, dude?
To compare the differing responses, here is output provided by the ispi -s command, with party OFF and party ON: (table here)
party ON
Well, let's see who's on, eh? There's you, of course, on line 000 (Imagine that! Hahaha!) Oh look, on serIOus line 00F, it's that cute little secretary--looks like she's lost her keyboard template again, she's been hitting the escape key for the past five minutes! AND OF COURSE, the guys down in maintenance are playing 'cosmic ballcrushers'. As usual. Well, who else, um, noone really interesting like, ya know, oh hang on, DTR is toggling on serIOus line 03D.. oh, no problem, it's that stuffed modem again. You want maybe I should send some AMail to maintenance and get 'em to look at it? No problem, dude.
What now, dude?

FILES

/uselss/libs/bill&ted/DUDE This is the pipe process, usually started at system shoe, which lies idle until party ON is issued.
/uselss/libs/eugene Contains all of the ordinary, ho-hum confusing computer -- jargonese responses which commands ordinarily issue. Text file.
/uselss/libs/eugene.spoo compiled version of the eugene file.
/ephemeral/eugene.chex Checksum for the compiled eugene file.

SEE ALSO

crp(1), stuffio(2), doobrie(9), gouge(3), ftang(65534), wi(-1), edmond(29), jumpstart(2), vo_mit(992)

BUGS

The -n option can be slow.
If the n option is issued, some users in a wi editing session may not receive the 'warning, restart imminent' message until after the restart.
There is no way selectively to follow symbolic links.
party OFF